remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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