You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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