A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
