he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
