If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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