would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
