just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
