does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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