im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
