Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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