I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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