if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
