there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
