His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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