Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
