Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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