Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
