i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
