there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
