adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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