Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
