I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You can't special order awesome
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
