Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize