You can't motorboat a personality
Small penises have feelings too.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
