I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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