i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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