Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
