I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
