I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
