drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
