youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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