Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
don't judge my taste in strippers
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
