I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
