A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
