So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
4 words: hood of his car
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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