I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
