my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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