How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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