I can text with my tongue
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
