If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
