You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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