Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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