I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
4 words: hood of his car
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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