Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
