You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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