my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
