I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
