you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's like iHOP with fire
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
