Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
