Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
