Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
