Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
