i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
