im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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