I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
