I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The power of my boobs compel you
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
