you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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