508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
