she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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