Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would ride that face into the sunset
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
