Your face is a jimmy john
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
