It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
