I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
