your room smells of hookers.
And success
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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