he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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