I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
