there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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