In America we eat man semen.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
