also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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