So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
