The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize