I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
