Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
